A Dark Reflection
by KitsuneSam
Summary: Sesshomaru reflects upon all he's done and what his Father must think of him now. Rated for cursing.


**KitsuneSam**- Inspired by my own drawing of a younger Sesshomaru, and a Fluffy-sama plushie that I bought at a Sci-fi/Anime Convention. Hope you enjoy. - Oh, and when he says bitch, he usually means it as in the meaning: female dog. This was meant to be a bit of a funny history of Sesshomaru, but I came out with this depressing stuff which may have captured the true Sesshomaru. w00t! .:glomps Sesshie plushie:. Ignore my spelling, it sucks completely.

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_Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha. I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I did. _Fin.

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If you'd have told me 60 years ago, that I'd lose my left arm in a fight with my brother…

I'd have laughed at you.

I'd have laughed long, and hard. The only one to care for InuYasha after Father died was that pathetic human mother of his. And she couldn't teach him anything about his demon self. _I_ certainly wasn't going to help him. After Father died, I'd been devastated. I couldn't, and _wouldn't_ do anything to help my half-breed brother or his human mother. Not after the way he'd weakened Father like that….

At least, that's what I'd thought then.

Father had given me only one task before his last battle. And that was almost immediately after the whole "Ryokotsei" (A/N: Spelling?) incident. I can still hear his shaken voice in my head:

"_Protect your little brother Sesshomaru. Use the Tenseiga and_ protect him_."_

I remember what my response had been to him. I had simply nodded, and agreed then, but I think he knew how I really felt. He knew how much I despised InuYasha for taking Father away from me and Mother. But he trusted me anyways. Maybe he knew I'd come to appreciate my brother, or that one little girl would change my whole perspective on life. Or perhaps he was just naïve, and believed he could trust me…

But my Father was not a naïve demon.

Sometimes… Sometimes I wonder….

He _must_ have known. Everything. Somehow, he knew I'd use the Tenseiga to heal Rin, and that InuYasha would use the Testusaiga to protect that priestess-girl that hangs around with him. I'd like to think he knew, but how could he have?

I never thought InuYasha would gain and grow with so much power. He'd been such a weak child. A weak half-breed. I'd thought that he would be as strong as any youkai child, but I'd been wrong. It was almost as though you could say he was a human weakling in his youth.

Then again, Father was not there to train him. He never learned to control his power, never learned the wonders that he could do. Father did die when he was only five after all. I still feel guilty about that today. Maybe I should've helped him.

Then again, I was having a hard time myself. Mother was convinced that at age 20 I _needed _to have a mate. Couldn't I just wait a little while? Well _I _could've. But she could not. My Mother was a persistent dog demon, so I guess you could definitely say she was a bitch in more than one way. But I didn't understand what her urgency was about me getting a mate and producing offspring. To this day there are many pups she thinks are mine. But I know the truth. None of them are mine.

I live on my own with Jakken, Rin, and Ah-Uhn. I don't need anybody else. They are all I need. I need no love and compassion as it seems Inu Yasha wants from those two bimbo girls that hang around him. Well, one of them is ready to give it to him. The other just wants to drag him down. I won't let anybody drag me down. But there's someone who's been trying.

Kagura. No more needs to be said about her. She is the wind sorceress, and a spawn of Naraku. He holds her heart, and there's nothing she can do about it. I cannot and will not help.

Just like my old situation with my brother and his mother. I guess I am that block of cold ice someone once called me.

Who was she? Some wolf bitch that mother wanted me to mate with. Yah right. Like I'd do that. She was as heartless as I, and she didn't take care of her pups. I felt bad for them, the only things I'd ever sympathized with until Rin came along.

Rin was actually killed by some wolves. They were pack members of that same bitch. Of course I had to help her to defy the woman. I never thought my affection for the small girl would expand beyond that moment of revenge. But it did. I love that girl as though she was my own pup. But she is not. And Jakken finds her annoying. That's another plus on my list of good reasons to keep her around.

She showed me my brother's heart without even realizing it. My brother's mind-set of falling in love with a human. And probably my Father's as well, as he did mate with a human. A human is quieter. Less persistent. They're more sympathetic to a demon, because they have no idea. Although they live a short while, and grow slowly it matters not. An old demon can wait for a young human. He'll stay the same age as he watches her grow before his eyes. But an older demon could wait forever for a young demon he loves, but he would grow old at the same rate, as she blooms. These are some pretty stupid reasons, now that I think them over. But the real reasons… I can't describe. They're in too deep with me, and I can't tell you how I really feel, because these feelings have no words attached.

I can't help but think about my Father now. Would he be proud of me for my changes? Or would he scorn me. I suppose it matters not, but I would still like to know. _He_ was one that I truly respected and loved. He was my sensei, my Father, my trainer. He was everything to me. And I shall never be as great a demon as he. No demon could ever hope to come close to being like him. Perhaps my brother could.

Then again this is all speculation. Could a hanyou really hope to rival a youkai?

If Inu Yasha continues to grow and prosper the way he has been lately… Then yes. I suppose _one_ could. Only one though. One hanyou who fell in love with a human before being torn apart by another hanyou. One deceived by a man who could possibly be one of the worlds most dangerous and devious demons of this time. One who is loved by a clay-pot and her living reincarnation from the future. One who holds the sword of power and protection? One who has a cold-hearted older brother who holds his sword's polar opposite. One who has a priestess, demon-slayer, monk, and kitsune on his trail. Only one.

My little brother. Inu Yasha.

And in the end… I've obeyed my Father. Only not in the way he wanted me to. I've protected my brother from his demon blood. I helped him retrieve the Tetsusaiga by searching for it myself, and I helped him find Naraku. Not on my own will, but still…

I've helped him.

And now as I sit here, leaning against a tree, I smile. For my brother is a nuisance, in every possible way. But I tolerate him, and that would make Father proud, if nothing else that I've done.

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**KitsuneSam**- So, what didja think? Was it good? Was it horribly mangled? Was Sesshomaru too kind to glomp? .:thinks:. Where did that last question come from? Oh well. REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! .:kitsune eyes:. Pweeease?

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